I made this

Hold my face and cuddle with me in bed.

I just really don't want to have fucked this up. My fear is that I strangled it. I feared the fun out of it.
I don't want this anxiety to sit on top of me forever.
I was walking home last night and thinking to myself, "will it feel like this forever?" A common thought that has often come into my twenty one year old brain. Pain is so scary when you are young, because it is all so new. There are so many different types and levels of heartbreak, that you encounter in life. With each discovery of a new kind of pain, we think "will this be the end of me?" I haven't lived long enough to be completely assured, that with enough time, wounds heals. When I am hurt, it feels as is it will strick around forever. "I will not grow past this, I will be trapped in my own stupidity," I think to myself.

The  thing that struck me so hard was that he fit into this little place in my heart. It was a little pocket I had kept so tightly shut for so long. There I stood as he held my weeping, snot covered face, and I for some reason let him. I didn't squirm or lie, or tell a joke.
I'm not usually good at going to those places. They are not places I like to visit, but for those few moments those dark spots didn't feel so heavy. They were for the first time a feeling I could sit in.
and maybe a few moments was all I could really handle. At this point in my life that is. I'll probably look back at this journal entry years from now and think, "god, that was only the tip of the iceberg." For now I am content with the fact that I made a big step forward in the way that was best for me.

I just hope that the boy who cut open that tiny hole inside me doesn't go away. I know the bravery that came from opening up, is mine and mine alone. But there are few people in life that truly effect us, and it breaks my heart when you have to shut those people out. He now has a small part of me. I hold a fondess and gratitude for him he might never fully understand.

I will try